What I’ve Learned About Dating From Job Hunting

I hate job hunting. It’s a boring, whiny, and universal statement, but true. I recently relocated despite having no promising job prospects in the area, and I’ve spent about as much time searching for work as my psyche can handle.

Why did I move to a city jobless? Because it’s where my boyfriend lives. And, at the risk of getting a few choruses of “Duh”, I really like my boyfriend. He is completely worth the six awkward years of dates and non-dates and not-supposed-to-be-dates-but-ended-up-as-dates I had to go through before finding him.

When I thought about it, I realized that job hunting and significant other hunting are similar. Stunningly so. Maybe I’m just slow on the uptake and everyone else figured this out years ago, but the parallels were quite illuminating to me.  

Honest but Confident

In creating my resume, I’ve had a hard time finding the balance between talking myself up and truthfully depicting my talents. For instance, I’d listed the Excel program as one of my skills. But after taking (okay, bombing) an online Excel test, I realized that I’d forgotten a lot of what I’d learned. Thus, I moved Excel from my “Expert at” list to my “Familiar with” list. After all, I’d hate to get a job and find that I’m expected to set up crazy formulas I’ve never used in a spreadsheet.

Talking myself up was even tougher. I mean, can a few volunteer hours for an arts organization count as public relations experience? But my mother reminded me that I had done legitimate PR work for this organization and done it well (hooray for people who pump us up!). She convinced me to include the position in my resume.

These same principles apply to dating. Granted, we’re not “selling ourselves” to potential dates the same way we are to potential employers. But we will be giving ourselves: our strengths, our weaknesses, our personalities. The people we date—or at least the ones we date seriously—need to know what they should and shouldn’t expect from us. But in honestly acknowledging our shortcomings, we must also keep our confidence. Because we are awesome! It hurts us not to believe that. And our potential dates may miss out on knowing us if we don’t let our awesomeness show.

Looking in More Places

  

I had a phone conversation with my younger (and married and impressively employed) sister the other day. She asked how the job hunt was going; I said I was doing it online and had found limited success.

“Most jobs aren’t posted online, Sis,” she told me. “The only way I got my job was by talking with everyone I knew. That’s when I started hearing about positions I’d never even caught a whiff of when I’d been searching exclusively online.”

The idea of leaving the ease and security of my computer didn’t thrill me. I grumbled a bit before realizing that I’d done the same thing years before in terms of my social life: I’d glued myself into my comfort zone. Only after being dragged to a dozen not-my-thing social events with not-my-type people had I made the variety of friends I enjoy today. Most of my favorite dates came from this pool of people.

We can’t expect to find our special someones within our comfort zones. Whether it’s joining a new club, hanging out with people we haven’t before, or simply leaving our movie caves, we have to not only keep looking, but look in more places.

Picky vs. Selective

  

Timing also makes things tough. Ideally, I could get a job in my field that will yield relevant experience, but I also need to start making money before my savings are drained. I’ve found myself asking, “How long can I wait? At what point should I stop being choosy and take what I can get?”

A fair question, too, in terms of finding a spouse. On one hand, most of us know (or think we know) what we want. But we’d rather not wait years for the perfect candidate—if he/she even exists. So what do we do?

First of all, we’ve gotta be open to more possibilities than the “ideal”. Just like I could miss an exciting marketing job if I only type “writing” into my search bar, we could pass up great relationships by refusing to go on dates with people who may not be our preferred type. I don’t have to take every job I apply for, and we don’t have to marry all the people we go on dates with (thank heavens). No need to be too picky.

But we shouldn’t drop a spouse the same way we quit a job if things aren’t going well. For relationships, we have to make a list of the nonnegotiable traits we need most in a life partner: religion, work ethic, outlook on life, whatever. And we can never give up on finding someone with those traits, no matter how long it takes. That’s not being picky; that’s being selective. It’s something we can’t afford not to be when choosing the person to build our lives with.   

Don’t Freak Out!

  

Job hunting will always suck. Always. And no matter what job I finally acquire, it’ll have drawbacks. But chucking my laptop across the room in frustration won’t improve my chances or my well-being.

Neither will freaking out about our love lives (or lack thereof). I know as well as anyone the insane levels of clumsiness, tedium, and pain reached in dating. But we can’t dwell on those. Isn’t the whole point of dating to find someone who makes us happy? We will—as long as we don’t give up.

So I’ll write another cover letter. I’ll ask another friend if they know of anybody in my field who’s hiring.  I’ll put on the slacks I hate ironing to look presentable for another interview.

Then I’ll come home and kiss my boyfriend. :)